i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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