He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
