I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize