the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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