I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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