what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
