I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
