Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
