Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
