How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
