Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
operation have a gay friend backfired
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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