She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
