haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
