He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize