M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
