Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
