Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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