I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im part way to drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
