why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
