I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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