Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
