Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
