You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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