Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
