my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
