I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
