he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
