I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize