I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
