You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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