If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
