its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
