No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
