i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
