You really coming over, don't trick.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
