I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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