There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
