I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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