Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
