So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
