The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
