i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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