My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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