Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
