I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
