you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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