Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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