can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
