Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
