my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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