He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
