btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
