Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
