This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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