you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My cat gives me a boner
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
