I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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