Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
