im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize