THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
