the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
