Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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