she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm bleeding and have questions
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
