i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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