he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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