Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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