Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
3pm strippers are depressing
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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