Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you still have your period?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
