someone get that fucking seahorse.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
