she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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