he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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