I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
