where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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